follow your green light home

22nd Apr

A thank you every now and then would be nice.

I wonder what it feels like to be appreciated the way you deserve to be.

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21st Apr
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If I have learned anything in this past year it is that you can go on without someone by your side. You can exist on your own, even when it seems like you can’t. There is no limit on what you are able to do, especially when you are in the process of finding yourself. 

I never knew that heartbreak could actually make your heart physically hurt, and I never knew that it could last so long. But learning to turn the pain into something good has been one of the few things to get me by. I feel like I had to completely rebuild myself after you left. My whole world revolved around us. I have now survived almost an entire year without you, and I am stronger than I have ever been. Thanks to you. 

I lost everything I ever knew. You were my end and my beginning, and I didn’t know how to continue without you. But I learned. With every passing day I forget you a little more, and eventually, I won’t remember anything. And I think that is the day I look forward to most; the day I feel nothing for you at all. 

20th Apr
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Sometimes, when I need answers, I like to take my questions to Google.

I have googled “How long does heartbreak last?” The result more popular than that was “How long does heartburn last?” This implies people suffer from heartburn more than they do heartbreak, which is a good thing, because heartbreak sucks way more than acid reflux ever could. Weirdly, though, a broken heart does physically hurt. It feels heavy, like someone is sitting on your chest.

There are upsides to despair. You can wear a blanket instead of a coat and your friends won’t judge you. You can smoke indoors because nobody will have the heart to tell an inconsolable girl that a smoking ban has been in place for eight years. And you find out that people are very nice and that they care about you, even if the person you care about most doesn’t. On a positive day during an outdoor — and legal — cigarette break, I told a friend that I was fine and trotted out the line, “What doesn’t kill you make you stronger”. To which she replied, deadpan: “That’s not true, that which doesn’t kill you makes you wanna die.”

The nicest thing I heard during the worst time in my life was this: “You have to suffer heartbreak so you know what to tell your daughter when she has her heart broken.” I can’t wait for that day to come. The problem with heartbreak is that nobody can help you. Not the films you watch alone, searching for a character who feels the way you do, not the glasses or bottles of whisky you keep by your bed, and certainly not Instagram. Every time you post a picture of yourself on Instagram looking fake happy, a fairy dies.

Also, scrolling through photos of girls your ex may or may not be shagging won’t help you. Remind yourself that the right filter can be fantastically flattering, and she probably doesn’t look that good in real life.

— Alexa Chung on Heartbreak, from her book  (via foreveragoforemma)

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You made me feel
like the person
I want to be.
Thank you.
If we never
meet again
at least I know
more of what
exists inside of me.
Lest I Forget | Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

(via bobbbi5294)

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(via my-teen-quote)

19th Apr

It’s late

And I miss you, and this hasn’t gotten any easier.

So much time has passed, why can’t I forget you?

16th Apr
You think ‘okay, I get it, I’m prepared for the worst,’ but you hold out that small hope, see and that’s what fucks you up. That’s what kills you.
— Joyland, Stephen King (via satans-ghost)

(Source: wordsthat-speak, via jaayrr)