I don’t believe in us.
And that terrifies me, because I never thought id doubt you.
One step forward and two steps back,
And that’s how it seems to always be. I can’t catch a break, can’t get out of my own way. I’m just looking for something to make me happy and to fill this void but everything is missing.
So many pieces of me are missing. Where did I go?
Why do I feel so fucking worthless all the time?
Forever second best.
I will forever be jealous of those who don’t have to wake up every day knowing that they are miles apart from the ones that they love most.
I just wish it was simple, I wish it was easy. But I know what I want and who I want it to be with, and I feel like that should count for something.
I am just looking to be whole again.
Sometimes I forget that I deserve it just as much as the next person.
But just because I’ve lost many battles, doesn’t mean I should stop fighting. Because I know what I want out of this world and settling isn’t an option. It isn’t for me; it shouldn’t be for anybody.
I really hate being an introvert because I sometimes think “oh hey, I can totally hang out with a bunch of people right now! I can handle it! I hate being alone!!” and then three hours into hanging out I realize how draining of energy it is for me to be around other people and I just want to curl up into a ball and isolate myself for the rest of my life.
It hurts wanting something so badly, and not knowing if it can ever truly be yours.
And I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know how to do any of this anymore.
I don’t know anything.
I don’t wanna have a great, amazing couple of months and then all of a sudden its over. I don’t want to experience the feeling of being lost, confused, and hurt all over again. I wanna be with you. And I want us to last, no matter how hard any situation is, no matter what/who comes between us.
I don’t want you to go away.